Surviving the Season of Shoulds: Managing Stress and Expectations Abroad
The holidays abroad can look picture-perfect — beaches instead of blizzards, new traditions, and festive gatherings with friends from all over the world. But behind that brightness, many expats quietly feel stretched thin.
You might be juggling end-of-term deadlines, social invitations, travel plans, and the emotional weight of missing home — all while trying to stay grateful and upbeat.
This time of year can feel like an emotional balancing act, made harder by an invisible pressure that so many expats carry:
the shoulds.
The Season of Shoulds
You should be happy — after all, you’re living an adventure.
You should be relaxed — the year is almost over.
You should be social — everyone else seems to be.
You should feel lucky — people back home think your life looks amazing.
But emotional wellbeing doesn’t respond to “shoulds.”
In fact, the pressure to perform happiness often leaves expats and international teachers feeling isolated. You might find yourself saying yes to things you don’t have energy for, scrolling through photos of other people’s celebrations, or quietly wondering why you feel anxious or disconnected when everything “should” feel good.
The truth is, being abroad adds a unique layer of complexity to this season — especially when your support network, traditions, and sense of belonging are scattered across continents.
Why the Holidays Can Feel Harder for Expats and Immigrants
Expats often live in a state of emotional multitasking. You’re maintaining ties to home, managing your current reality, and preparing for the next chapter — all at once.
During the holidays, those layers overlap. You might be celebrating with new friends while grieving the distance from old ones. You might be exhausted from travel or from holding space for students or colleagues who are also struggling.
And if you’re an educator, the end of term often arrives with high expectations and very little time for rest — leaving you emotionally depleted before the holidays even begin.
How to Ease the Pressure
1. Replace “should” with “could.”
When you notice a “should,” try gently reframing it.
Instead of “I should go to that event,” ask, “I could go — but do I want to?”
That tiny shift gives you agency and helps reduce guilt-driven decisions.
2. Build margin into your schedule.
If every day is planned, you’ll have no space to decompress. Protect small blocks of time for rest, reflection, or even doing nothing. It’s not laziness — it’s nervous system care.
3. Set realistic emotional expectations.
The holidays don’t have to be magical to be meaningful. Give yourself permission for this year to simply be good enough.
4. Stay connected in small, steady ways.
You don’t need grand gestures. A message exchange, a short call, or shared meal with someone nearby can be enough to remind you that you’re not alone.
5. Notice your body.
Stress often shows up physically before it registers emotionally — tension in your shoulders, shallow breathing, a racing mind. Simple grounding tools like slow breathing, stretching, or a brief walk can help you reset.
When You Feel Emotionally Burned Out
If you notice that stress has tipped into numbness, irritability, or deep exhaustion, you might be dealing with something more than holiday fatigue. Many expats and teachers experience chronic stress that goes unnoticed until the holidays slow things down enough for feelings to surface.
Therapy can help you make sense of that — to understand the impact of constant transition, emotional labor, and cultural pressure to “hold it together.”
In my work with international teachers and expats, I use trauma-informed and body-based approaches — including EMDR, breathwork, and mindfulness — to help calm the nervous system and rebuild emotional resilience.
You don’t need to wait for a crisis to seek support. Sometimes, therapy is simply the space where you stop running on “should” and start listening to what you actually need.
Redefining the Holidays on Your Terms
You don’t owe anyone a perfect December.
If your holidays this year are quiet, simple, or different — that’s okay. You’re allowed to create a season that fits your energy, not your expectations.
