Grief and Gratitude: Holding Both While Living Abroad at Christmas

Living abroad can make the holidays feel beautifully complex.

You might wake up to sunshine instead of snow, or celebrate Christmas surrounded by palm trees, new friends, and food from half a dozen countries. You might look around your table and feel deeply thankful for the life you’ve built — the adventure, the independence, the experiences most people only dream about.

And then, almost in the same breath, you might feel the ache of everything you’re missing — family dinners, familiar voices, the effortless comfort of being known.

Both can be true.
You can feel grateful and still grieve.

The Bittersweetness of an Immigrant/Expat Christmas

One of the hardest things about living abroad is that the holidays become a mirror — reflecting both how far you’ve come and what you’ve left behind.

The people you love might be celebrating without you. Traditions that once felt grounding might now feel distant. Even small things — a song, a smell, a familiar movie — can tug at something deep inside.

It’s not just homesickness. It’s grief.

Grief for time passing.
Grief for missed moments.
Grief for versions of yourself that belonged somewhere else.

And yet, layered within that grief is gratitude — for the people who’ve opened their homes to you, for the new traditions you’ve created, for the courage it takes to keep building a life in motion.

Why Grief and Gratitude Coexist

From a psychological perspective, grief and gratitude activate different — but connected — emotional systems. Grief reminds us of what we value; gratitude reminds us that value still exists.

When we allow both to coexist, we’re giving ourselves permission to live fully — not in the extremes of joy or sorrow, but in the honest middle ground of being human.

Trying to push grief away in order to stay “positive” often backfires. It numbs not just sadness, but also the capacity for real connection and presence.
Letting grief in — softly, without judgment — makes space for deeper gratitude to follow.

Ways to Honor Both

1. Name what you’re grieving.
Write it down, say it aloud, or share it with someone who understands. Naming grief doesn’t make it stronger; it helps it move.

2. Create a ritual of remembrance.
Light a candle for loved ones far away. Play a song that reminds you of home. Incorporate one tradition from your past into your current celebration. Ritual brings meaning to what words can’t hold.

3. Practice small gratitude, not forced positivity.
Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything’s okay. It’s about noticing what still brings warmth — the smell of coffee in the morning, a message from a friend, the feeling of sunlight on your face.

4. Let your feelings ebb and flow.
It’s normal for emotions to shift quickly during this time. One moment you might feel connected and peaceful; the next, teary or nostalgic. That’s not emotional instability — it’s integration.

When the Holidays Stir Up More Than Expected

For some expats and international teachers, the holidays don’t just bring homesickness — they stir deeper emotional layers. Family memories, old wounds, or unresolved loss can surface, especially when you’re far from familiar support.

Therapy can be a powerful place to hold that complexity — to process the grief that comes with mobility, explore the impact of past experiences, and reconnect with your own sense of safety and belonging.

In my work with clients abroad, I use trauma-informed approaches like EMDR, body-based therapy, and breathwork to help the nervous system regulate after years of transition.
You don’t have to navigate these feelings alone — even if you’re thousands of miles away.

Letting the Season Be What It Is

Maybe this year isn’t about joy or sadness, but about honesty.
About letting yourself feel whatever arises — without needing to fix it or compare it to what others are doing.

The truth of life abroad is that it’s made of both grief and gratitude — and both are signs that you’ve lived deeply, loved widely, and dared to build a life beyond the familiar.

Wherever you are this holiday season, may you find small moments of connection, warmth, and peace — and may you know that you don’t have to hold it all by yourself.