Positive Cognitions in EMDR: What They Mean and How They Change

When people think about EMDR therapy, they often focus on the difficult memories being processed. They may expect to talk about what happened, revisit particular moments, or work with distressing emotions and physical sensations.

But there is another important part of EMDR that can be just as significant: the belief you would rather have about yourself.

In EMDR, these are known as positive cognitions. They describe the way you would like to understand yourself, your choices, your relationships, or your circumstances once an experience has been fully processed.

A positive cognition is not simply a positive affirmation. It is not about forcing yourself to think positively or convincing yourself that everything is fine.

Instead, it is often a belief that feels difficult to access at the beginning of therapy, but increasingly authentic as the experience is processed.

For some people, that shift can be surprisingly profound.

What is a positive cognition in EMDR?

A positive cognition is a statement about yourself that you would prefer to believe following the processing of a distressing experience.

For example, someone may intellectually know that they are competent, but still carry a deeply held belief that they are "not good enough" because of experiences earlier in life.

Another person may be highly successful professionally, have considerable responsibility, travel internationally for work and appear extremely capable to everyone around them, while privately feeling that they cannot trust their own judgement.

Someone else may have achieved many of the things they once wanted, yet still struggle with the sense that they do not deserve love, happiness or good things.

This is one of the reasons trauma does not always look like what we traditionally imagine trauma to look like.

You can be functioning extremely well and still carry beliefs about yourself that were shaped by painful experiences.

The positive cognition represents the belief that you would like to feel as true instead.

It might be:

"I am worthy."

"I can trust myself."

"I am safe now."

"I have choices."

"I can handle it."

"I am okay as I am."

The aim is not to repeat these statements until you believe them. EMDR works differently from that.

The process is about allowing the brain and nervous system to reprocess what happened so that a more adaptive understanding can become accessible.

Why positive cognitions matter in EMDR

Distressing experiences can leave behind conclusions about ourselves that made sense at the time.

A child who was repeatedly criticised may come to believe, "I am not good enough."

Someone who experienced betrayal may conclude, "I cannot trust anyone."

Someone who had very little control over what happened to them may carry the belief, "I am powerless."

Someone who was punished for expressing their needs may learn, "I cannot make my needs known."

These beliefs can continue long after the original circumstances have changed.

This can be particularly confusing when your adult life looks very different from the life in which the belief developed.

You may have a successful career, financial independence, loving relationships and a life that gives you considerable freedom, yet still experience an emotional reaction that seems completely out of proportion to what is happening now.

The thinking part of you may know that you are capable.

Another part of you may not believe it.

That gap between what you know intellectually and what feels emotionally true can be one of the places where therapy becomes particularly useful.

Positive cognitions are not about positive thinking

There is an important distinction between an adaptive belief and an affirmation.

If you have spent years feeling fundamentally inadequate, simply telling yourself "I am wonderful" may not feel believable. In fact, it can sometimes create a greater sense of distance between what you are saying and what you actually feel.

EMDR does not require you to manufacture a positive belief.

Instead, the positive cognition is identified because it represents something that could become more true as the memory is processed.

The shift might be subtle.

"I am powerless" may gradually become "I have choices."

"I cannot trust myself" may become "I can trust my judgement."

"I am not good enough" may become "I am worthy."

"I am in danger" may become "I am safe now."

"I cannot handle it" may become "I can handle it."

These are not artificially optimistic statements. They are alternative ways of understanding yourself that take your present circumstances into account.

The positive cognition can be particularly important for high-functioning people

Some people arrive at therapy because their lives look successful from the outside, but something internally is not working in the way they want it to.

They may be highly educated, professionally successful, financially secure or accustomed to being the person other people rely on.

They may travel frequently, work across different countries, manage teams, run businesses or have built a life with considerable independence.

And yet success does not necessarily change the beliefs we developed earlier in life.

You can become exceptionally competent and still feel inadequate.

You can become financially independent and still feel powerless.

You can become successful in relationships and still expect abandonment.

You can become very good at managing other people's needs while finding it difficult to identify your own.

You can become accustomed to making decisions for everyone else while struggling to trust your own judgement.

Sometimes the problem is not a lack of achievement. It is that achievement has become one of the ways you manage an underlying belief about yourself.

EMDR can create an opportunity to work with what sits underneath the achievement, rather than simply trying to change the behaviour on the surface.

Common positive cognitions in EMDR

There is no single positive cognition that is right for everyone. The belief is usually connected to the particular experience being processed and what you would rather believe about yourself now.

Common examples include:

Worth and self-acceptance

• I deserve love.

• I can have love.

• I am a good, loving person.

• I am fine as I am.

• I am worthy.

• I am worthwhile.

• I am lovable.

• I deserve good things.

• I am okay just the way I am.

• I deserve to be happy.

• I am okay as I am.

• I am deserving.

These beliefs can be particularly relevant when experiences have left someone feeling ashamed, defective, unlovable or fundamentally not enough.

Responsibility and self-compassion

• I did the best I could.

• I learned from it.

• I can learn from it.

• I do the best I can.

• I can make mistakes.

• I am capable of learning.

For some people, the belief they need to move away from is not simply "I did something wrong", but a much broader conclusion such as "I am a failure" or "I should have known better."

Developing a more compassionate understanding of what happened can allow responsibility to exist without overwhelming self-blame.

Trust and judgement

• I can be trusted.

• I can learn to trust myself.

• I can trust my judgement.

• I can choose whom to trust.

• I can take care of myself.

• I can learn to take care of myself.

These beliefs can be particularly important after experiences involving betrayal, manipulation, criticism, boundary violations or situations in which someone's ability to trust their own perceptions was undermined.

Learning to trust yourself does not mean trusting everyone.

In fact, one of the more adaptive beliefs may be "I can choose whom to trust."

That is very different from either complete distrust or unquestioning trust.

It introduces discernment and choice.

Safety and emotional expression

• It is over. I am safe now.

• I can safely feel my emotions.

• I can safely show my emotions.

• I can make my needs known.

• I can choose to let it out.

For someone who learned that emotions were dangerous, unacceptable or burdensome, emotional expression can continue to feel risky long after the original environment has changed.

The adult mind may understand that expressing sadness, anger or vulnerability is safe.

The nervous system may not have caught up yet.

Processing the experiences that created that response can make it easier to experience emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

Agency, choice and control

• I am now in control.

• I have choices.

• I am strong.

• I can get what I want.

• I can succeed.

• I can be myself.

• I can make mistakes.

• I can handle it.

• I am capable.

These beliefs are particularly interesting because agency does not necessarily mean controlling everything.

In fact, a more realistic sense of control can involve recognising what you can influence, what you cannot, and what choices remain available to you.

"I have choices" can therefore be a more useful and sustainable belief than "I am in control of everything."

The positive cognition is not necessarily something you have never believed

Sometimes people assume that if they are successful, confident or self-aware, they should already believe these things.

But knowing something intellectually is not the same as experiencing it emotionally.

You may genuinely know that you are worthy of love and still find yourself repeatedly choosing relationships in which you have to earn it.

You may know that you are competent and still become overwhelmed by criticism.

You may know that you are safe and still feel your body become tense when something reminds you of the past.

You may know that you have choices and still automatically move into people-pleasing or avoidance.

This is why simply understanding where a belief came from is not always enough to change it.

Insight matters, but the emotional and physiological learning may need to change too.

What happens when a positive cognition starts to feel true?

In EMDR, the goal is not to leave the therapy room thinking, "That was a nice affirmation."

The deeper shift is often much quieter.

A memory that previously carried intense shame may still be remembered, but without the same conclusion that you are fundamentally bad.

A situation that previously made you feel powerless may become something you can remember while also recognising that you have choices now.

A past relationship may still have been painful, but it no longer determines whether you believe you are lovable.

You may begin to respond differently in the present because the old learning no longer has quite the same authority.

This is one reason EMDR can be about much more than reducing distress around a particular memory.

It can also be about changing what that memory means about you.

You do not have to choose the "right" positive cognition

Sometimes a client knows immediately what they would like to believe.

Other times, it takes longer.

You might know that "I am worthy" sounds positive but does not quite capture what you need.

Perhaps "I can trust myself" feels more important.

Or "I have choices."

Or "I can protect myself."

Or simply, "I am okay as I am."

The positive cognition is personal. It needs to make emotional sense in relation to the experience being processed.

And sometimes the belief changes as therapy progresses.

That is completely normal.

From surviving to having choices

One of the most meaningful shifts in trauma therapy can be moving from understanding yourself primarily through what happened to you towards recognising the choices and possibilities available to you now.

That does not mean pretending the past did not matter.

It does not mean excusing what happened.

And it does not mean forcing yourself to feel positive.

It means developing a more complete understanding of yourself that includes the present, not only the past.

You may have been powerless then and have choices now.

You may have been unable to protect yourself then and be able to protect yourself now.

You may have learned that you were not enough, while gradually discovering that you do not have to earn your worth.

You may have learned not to trust yourself, while developing the capacity to listen to your own judgement again.

That is the deeper purpose of the positive cognition in EMDR.

It is not about replacing a negative thought with a positive one.

It is about allowing a more accurate, compassionate and adaptive understanding of yourself to become emotionally real.

If you are considering online EMDR therapy, you can read more about how I work and what to expect from EMDR before deciding whether it feels like the right approach for you.